


Poems of a Dystopia Survivor

by Nourkore



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 05:03:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10734666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nourkore/pseuds/Nourkore
Summary: If you've lived one too im sure there's gonna be something here for you! hahaha!These are poems i want to preform at a SLAM one day. I've not added to them since just randomly getting them down and will probably edit, add to, and stuff at a later date.. as with all my stuff.TRIGGER WARNING:Childhood sexual abuse// all together fucked up life so if you can't handle reading my poems about my life probably shouldn't read it then





	1. Little Red, Little Red, Let Me.. Win.

I was five and you were ten, we were both just kids back then..  
All i needed, all i wanted was my big brother..  
Thinkin back to that lil girl who looked up to you, you shouldn’t have underestimated her.  
You were supposed to protect me, respect me..  
Not hurt and reject me.  
Always stabbing me then handing me the knife,  
My naive little mind somehow all too happy to twist myself and be blind  
believing you as you convinced me i was the one to stab myself time after time.  
For years i believed that you just couldn’t have, you simply wouldn't have.  
Until i couldn’t ignore the details anymore,  
until of all your manipulations i was sure..  
Still remembering the shadow creeping up the stairs for my door  
Creaking stairs, crooked teeth, crooked stares, truth always lies underneath..  
All these lies cycling in heads through the familial grape vine of that stupid scary tree,  
Such dirty little secrets about you and me.  
Ones in which my whole life i felt i just had to keep,  
From embarrassment, judgments, and for the sake of you all.  
And so my whole life unlike you i couldn’t walk tall,  
Always carrying the weight for us both, or four, it’s okay you know me, love always means no matter what you can take more.  
Take, take, take, this family can pick at my body like vultures circling and i wont make a sound, why would i.. No one's ever around.  
Can anyone hear if they don’t really want to?  
If a little girls robbed of something near and dear in the woods, on the way to grandma's by a wolf.. if no one's around to hear…. Who's to say it happened.. Or that anyone even cares at all?


	2. "L.O.V.E - E.V.O.L.. Love is Evol" / Sometimes ya have to read between the curtains.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some thoughts on love just sorta came out one day.. enjoy.  
> (title is from one of my favorite artiest, Marina and the Diamonds, her song EVOL. although my favorite album has to be Family Jewels.. got me through some dark times and then Electra Hearts made me be able to act the part for life.. anyways more on her another day maybe :) lol i love her work)

Love, its a travesty..  
Not only do we get hurt by the people we care enough to let inside our fortress minds and hearts  
but worse yet our physical bodies.  
Then on top of this hurt we hurt ourselves by shaming ourselves for ever being so naive and trusting.  
Love, it can build you up or feel like fucking Hiroshima, Chernobyl level shit..  
That kind of pain and destruction that has residual effects  
lasting for generations it seems..  
Destroy yourself to toxicity,  
a sort of contagion you emanate onto those stupid enough to want to come close..  
Cruel enough to give you hope that just maybe this time is different.  
But its not.  
Each person leaves,  
or should i say you push each one away and they dont really care enough to push back..  
To see the real you with all this hurt inside and WANT to stay  
despite your constant child like disire to hide  
Its not really their fault though and you know this deep down inside.  
But every time it hurts none the less  
because when..  
When will someone see through the  
"just leave me alone's"  
and see that they're really just "i am so fucking tierd of being alone,  
im scared and frustrated with myself that i dont even know how to articulate that or really much else  
but this blind rage i have for the fact that i am the way i am  
and it feels like i will never change.  
SO IM LETTING YOU OFF EASY!  
Im letting you have an out from me so  
\-- 'just fucking leave me alone'--  
i love you too much to let you feel what this feels like,  
what i feel like.  
Because despite my skin being oh so fucking soft to the touche my inner workings are like a minefield  
and i would never let you try to walk through this mess of me with me, its too much to ask of you.  
So..  
\--'Just.. Go.. Okay.'--  
really its fine..  
its better off this way..  
Well for you, but its fine im used to it,  
to wandering this explosive deceiving wonderland of sorts that is my mind,  
my heart..  
In all honesty i hate bearing them alone,  
searching through their wilderness for bits of sunshine and niceties on my way to trying to find a home  
being met, rather most times with just another trick wire snapped,  
boom.  
Its fine though  
at least if you go i can't hurt you like i cant stop from doing to myself..  
\--'Its fine really.. Im fine. Just.. just go'--"


End file.
